Stargate Atlantis

Why, oh why, oh why did I ever sign up for this mission? Sure it sounded like a good idea at the time: move to a distant galaxy, meet strange aliens (many of whom wouldn’t look too out of place in, say, Camden), and be the first to study ancient technologically superior artefacts. It’s that last that’s the sticking point. It’s all very well and good in theory, but in practice it usually means going down with soldiers to the planet, first contact style, and examining the technology in situ – hoping not to get a Goa’uld staff blast to the back or a Wraith chowing down on your life-force. Am I getting paid enough for this?

The soldiers say we’re going to a hot planet. When it comes to them I don’t know if that means there’s going to be a lot of fighting or if our deodorant just isn’t gonna cut it. I dress for Summer just in case, the soldiers seem to approve.

The Puddle Jumper drops us off and we take our first look around. It *is* hot down here, which makes me worry that the return trip is going to be unpleasantly fragrant. Captain Sam ‘Sunshine’ divides us into five strike teams and I find myself in the third. Three is a good number, right in the middle – two teams in front and two behind, can’t go wrong there. Until, “Team three to the front,” Sunshine decides. Are we throwing basic maths out the window along with common sense? I’m the only scientist on this mission (yes, I drew the short straw back on Atlantis), what possible purpose could be served by dangling me out in front for any hungry Wraith or trigger-happy indigenous lifeform? If we were anywhere near my birthday I would think it a practical joke. At least the three burly men in my team seem competent enough. Even so I worry at every noise as we traverse a dry river bed and then head up a hill towards some primitive structures.

Movement through the trees has us all on edge but each time it’s a false alarm – shifting shadows or local wildlife (creatures we’ve dubbed ‘game runners’ seem quite frequent in these parts). Private JR calls me over, they’ve found something in one of the small buildings. The object is very clearly out of place in the rough lean-to, made of a crystalline material with linear patterns vaguely reminiscent of the Ancient’s language. The team wait outside the building while I examine it – I guess they’ve learnt since the last time that soldiers have a unique talent for finding booby traps the *wrong* way. Scientists tend to have better attention to detail, or at least a greater sense of self preservation. Neither is needed here, the artefact is harmless. In fact it seems incomplete, one side looking as if it may link or slot in with others, so I tell the team to keep a watch for others.

Our five teams are spread in a long line now and communication is mostly through PMRs. While angling north we come across another team holding position and they advise us to wait. Through the trees we can see more permanent structures than any we’ve yet come across, amounting to a village, and can hear heated discussion between the locals and our Captain. We’re warned not to approach from the direction we had been heading in as the villagers were jumpy (just in case we were deaf and hadn’t figured that out for ourselves) and would attack immediately were they to think they were being flanked. We were also told that the free Jaffa in our company had caused some distress among the villagers and that was likely the reason we were thought of as hostile. The number of times that’s caused us problems… and do they learn? No, let’s put the obviously tattooed former oppressor front and centre. Were we back on Earth I’d be taking him to the nearest laser removal clinic.

As we wait three villagers start ghosting through the trees towards us. They’re armed with bladed weapons, and the soldiers show impressive restraint in not raising their own guns. It’s a feint, a message rather than an actual threat, and we back off slowly. The two not-quite-hostile groups face each other over the no man’s land of a path between us, and I’m glad when we break the tension by turning away and continuing west.

We come across a farmstead, bodies are lying where they’ve fallen – I’ve learned during my time with the Atlantis expedition that this is never a good sign. Another similar crystalline artefact is found and I linger at the back inspecting it while the soldiers proceed forward to investigate the main building. “Wraith!” the cry goes out and gunfire erupts as we scatter. We put it down with no further casualty and eventually decide to move on to search other nearby structures.

Before we go far we are approached by two distressed villagers seeking our aid. A ‘Dark One’ has taken over their village, they claim, killing many and now worshipped by most of the survivors. We skirt the perimeter, coming in from the far side, and see the turned villagers engaged in battle with another Atlantis team. A Wraith is crouched nearby, feeding off the body of some unfortunate. It leaps up and gives chase as more potential prey arrives, although it has no chance against the combined Atlantis teams.

Once the threat has passed my attention is drawn to the villagers’ temple. Ancient parchments are strewn around the altar, and while I understand a smattering of the language it would be the work of weeks to translate them all. More interesting to me is a third relic, again of a like type of the first two – and of even greater significance is a technological artefact in the form of an open-sided metallic box with three slots. Now you don’t get to be a scientist with the Atlantis expedition without throwing at least a little caution to the winds, it’s part of the job description. So when I saw that our three collected components would fit very nicely into the main artefact, that’s where I put them. I believe the exact words received from the Puddle Jumper after my assembly of the technology were, “Massive energy spike,” followed closely by “Get your arses back here, NOW!”

So with little time for deliberation we now must decide whether to take the artefact with us or not. It takes about .03 of a second – of course we’re going to take it.

One thing I hadn’t counted on, however, was the surviving villagers. They’d been quite happy for me to poke around their holy temple, but removing something from it, in retrospect, was an entirely different matter. “You can’t do that. She’s taking our sacred artefact!” was yelled as machetes were raised. Oops. Private Dave shouted at me to run as he bravely threw himself between me and the suddenly agitated villagers. I may in fact have broken a few records as I sprinted to the village edge and safety, but of course no one was watching as they were all standing around wondering what the hell had just happened. I remained long enough to ensure that both Dave and Lieutenant David (who had come to Dave’s defence and been taken down by friendly fire – which I’m sure will be detailed in a report and the appropriate action taken) were tended to before heading to the Puddle Jumper’s landing site. Certain teams were somewhat more lethargic in their retreat, maybe “Massive energy spike!” just doesn’t have the oomph it once did, but the last was ushered aboard just as the doors were closing. We returned, artefact in hand, more or less intact to the Atlantis base.